Next adventure.

I think now it's time to announce the news.
I will be going to Poland again in 10 days. I finally got my flight tickets and my next adventure is starting soon.

And it also means that this blog will be updated again! Welcome back.

Creating a new me. / Kuinka Puola kasvattaa. Part 2

After I came back to Finland I felt two completely different things: belonging here and totally not belonging. Last time it felt like I have been dropped into middle of  the play, but no one remembered to tell me the lines. This time, I felt misplaced, but I had the lines. I have found the words.

I never thought I would fall in love with Gdansk, but lately I have been missing my other home. I miss Poland. I miss working at IT Service Desk, I miss the amazing sushi in Fusion Sushi. But most of all - I miss my awesome team and my international family.

"You can leave us physically, but not mentally." Having shots remotely with my guardian angels ! #shots #missyou #fridaynight #traditions

Kuva, jonka Mira Järvenpää (@mirraje) julkaisi 28. 10ta 2016 klo 11.58 PDT

Finnish version of sushi

I also miss Korea. I miss bibimbap, amazing parties. Long talks and nights out. I miss the tradition of eating together, flavored soju and the habit of pouring for other before yourself. I miss cat cafes and easy metro system.

Oh, the happiness! I'm so gonna go there again.. #cat #catcafe #happy #ilovemylife #purehappiness #exchangestudent #korea

Kuva, jonka Mira Järvenpää (@mirraje) julkaisi 14. 09ta 2015 klo 9.52 PDT

I miss almost every places I have been. I believe it's because part of me is still there. I belong nowhere and everywhere. It is a great privilege in this small planet. Re-launching yourself after coming home isn't easy. It is a long process, you could even say endless process. Life isn't finding yourself, it's creating yourself. Every new experience shapes you and makes you a newer version of you.

For me Small Planet Studio has been a great help with coping with the changes and the emotions. I believe I will be able to create the perfect life for me. That global life I want so badly. One step of it is visiting my other home in one month.

Meaningless

This time I was more prepared for reverse cultural shock (or re-entry, if you prefer that term). I knew I will go through some difficult feelings and probably be depressed. I experienced it when I got back from Korea and  it was so bad. I couldn't do anything for two weeks, I didn't want to see anyone. I just wanted to lay in the bed.

This time I took different approach and decided to make most of it. I embraced the return rather than feared it. I am happy to be home, seeing all my friends and trying to get some structure in my life. I love the chaos but I learnt that having regular schedule can also be beneficial. It is good for basic work and resting, but if creativity is needed then chaos is better.

This time I am not sorry for being back. I don't feel generally bad. I don't see being abroad as only suitable choice. I like being home, but at the same time I have lost my purpose. It is the hardest, most terrible feeling I have had this whole week. I am meaningless, I am not useful to anyone anywhere and it is truly hard to deal with.

I am trying to finish my studies and working every now and then. Still I have a feeling I don't have anything to contribute here. I feel misplaced. I don't have anything to give and I am just floating around in my own bubble. I have no idea how anyone can deal with this kind of feelings. How do you find a new meaning for yourself?

What did I learn?

Neljä ja puoli kuukautta takana. Ennen lähtöä kirjoitin: Uskon, että tämä kesä antaa minulle enemmän kuin uskallan edes toivoa. En olisi voinut olla enempää oikeassa. Tämä kesä antoi minulle uskomattoman paljon.

Opin, kuinka paljon ympäristö vaikuttaa. Jos sinulla on aktiivinen kämppis, joka kannustaa sinua kokemaan enemmän, sinä todennäköisesti teet enemmän. Kun sinut tiputetaan keskellä tuntematonta, sinun on sopeuduttava ja tämä tekee kehityksestäsi nopeampaa, sillä sinun on haastettavatta itseäsi enemmän. 

Olen utealias persoona, olen aina ollut. Välillä olen saanut siitä negatiivistä palautetta, jonka takia yritän paikoitellen hillitä itseäni. Olen kuitenkin täällä oppinut, että uteliaisuus on ominaisuus, jota kannattaa vaalia. Olen ylpeä uteliaisuudestasi ja pyrin näyttämään sen yhä avoimemmin. 

Opin, kuinka erilaista on olla asiakaspalvelija puhelimitse. Ilmeiden ja eleiden puuttuminen tekee kommunikaatiosta erilaista, minun tapauksessani haastavampaa. Mielestäni kuitenkin kehityin asiassa ja saamani palaute olikin pääasiassa positiivista. 

Tutustuin tiketöintijärjestelmä Aquaan (BMC Remedy IT Service Management) ja opettelin tallentamaan, analysoimaan, kategorisoimaan ja priorisoimaan saapuvia tikettejä. Opin, kuinka pitkä prosessi yksinkertaisen ohjelman asennuksen takana voi olla. Opin, kuinka paljon erilaisia tapoja toimia.

Kun opin perusteet, pyrin tietoisesti pois harjoittelija-roolista, sillä se tuntui kovin rajoittavalta. Olin ensimmäisen tason tuki - se joka on yhteydessä asiakkaaseen ja varmistaa, että ongelmat ratkaistaan Kemiran toimintatapojen mukaisesti. Halusin lisää vastuuta ja sitä sainkin. Viimeisen kuukauden vietin auttaen uusia suomalaisia työntekijöitä.

Tavoitteeni harjoittelulle oli kehittää omaa työminääni ja koen tuon tavoitteen toteutuneen. Kunnianhimoni on kasvanut, olen sopivalla tavalla ammattilainen ja minulla on selkeämpi kuva itsestäni työntekijänä. Minulla on kuitenkin olo, että Kemiralla olisi vielä paljon annettavaa minulle. Saa nähdä, mitä tulevaisuus tuo tullessaan.
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Four and half months. Before going to Poland I wrote: I believe this summer will give me more I ever dared to dream. I couldn't be more right. This summer gave me incredible much.

I learnt how much your surroundings affects you. If you have active roommate who encourages you to experience more, you probably do much more. When you are dropped in middle of new environment, you have to adapt yourself to it and it makes your development process quicker, you need to challenge yourself more.

I am curious person, I have always been. Sometimes I get negative feedback about it and I try to hold myself down. Here I have learnt to appreciate it again and I try to show it more.

I learnt how different it is to be in customer service via phone. When facial expressions and gestures are missing, it makes communication different and in my case, it means harder. I believe I made some progress with it and most of the feedback I got was positive.

I became familiar with ticketing tool Aqua (BMC Remedy IT Service Management) and learnt how to record, analyze, categorize and prioritize incoming tickets. I learnt how long process basic software installation can be. I learnt how many different ways of working there are.

After I learnt the basics, I tried to get out of the intern role. The intern role can be extremely suffocating. I was the first line support which took care of the basic incidents, contacted the end-user and made sure everything is handled correctly. I wanted more responsibility and I got it. I spent last month helping the new Finnish employees.

My goal for my internship was to develop my working self and in my opinion I achieved it. My ambition has grown, I'm just right kind of professional and I see myself more clearly. I have a feeling Kemira would still have a lot to offer for me. We will see what happens in the future.

You can leave us physically, but not mentally.

My last days in Poland were beautiful and full of love. I was spending time with my colleagues as much as possible, trying to memorize their faces, voices and everything. The small things they do.

How Rafal puts his hair in ponytail. How Carl stands and smiles, how he always answers my questions without any hassle. How Marcin walks to my table, sighs and says what did you broke this time. How he looks right into your soul. How Alex smiles and laughs, how he tells me to stop dancing. How Pawel walks past my desk and ask on the way how's everything. How Riki tries to find solutions to cases I would have already given up, how he suddenly stops everything and goes for smoke. How Joona first sends me message via Skype and then asks the same thing aloud. How Adam speaks so fluently both Swedish and Polish, how he is all about learning next to Carl.

Everyone were so nice to me. They took me in with open arms and made me feel like home. And I don't how, but I end up with several nicknames.
Puppy,
Puppet,
Minion,
Happy feet,
The always moving Hula-girl of happiness,
Little ray of IT sunshine,

and of course my favorite: Little master of disaster. 

On my last day, my closest friends gathered at my place. Chilling, talking and helping me to get my stuff (and myself) together before going to the airport. It was amazing how they all made it there even after long night of drinking. 

And when I got home, I got the most adorable video call: You can leave us physically, but not mentally. Let's take shots! It seems I'm not going anywhere.

Two weeks left.

In two weeks I will be back in Finland. My internship in Kemira Gdansk will be over and I will go back to my Finnish life. I have so mixed feelings about it. It is lovely to see Kalle ja Marsa and all my other friends. It is awesome to be able to touch my love ones, go to the movies or have basic dinner. All that normal stuff you miss when you are abroad.

But it also means going back to Hämeenmaa and school. I always loved working for Hämeenmaa, I was really good at my job and it was kind of second home for me. Now I have been away almost 5 months and I'm not even sure who is working there. Also my professional ambition has started to grow and I want more, I want different.

Besides working in Hämeenmaa, I will need to finish my studies. I don't have that many courses for autumn semester, but I will have some projects in Neloskerros. 26 ECTS plus thesis left, it's not that much. I have always been bad at studying and motivating myself to study, but I really want to graduate.

Going back to situation where you have to study and work at the same won't be nice. It means I won't have energy nor time to exercise, see my friends or have quiet time for myself. It also means I have to face the reverse culture shock again. At least this time I know what am I going to face so it won't be complete surprise.

Two weeks left. I have to make the most of it. 

So are you.

Viikonloppu keskellä metsää rakkautta pursuavien hippien ympäröimänä muistuttaa, mitä elämä kuuluu olla. Kun on viikonlopun ajan kävellyt paljain varpain, tuntenut selittämätöntä hyväksyntää ja yhteyttä kaikkien kanssa, tuntuu oudolta palata kylmään todellisuuteen. Todellisuuteen, jossa ihmisiä vaaditaan käyttämään kenkiä ja jossa huomaamattasi tunnet yhteiskunnan vaatimukset niskassasi. Todellisuuden, jossa sinun on taisteltava kaataaksesi normit, koska ne sotivat sinun sisintäsi vastaan.

Sen takia varmaan tämä iskee nyt niin lujaa. 

Elämä on kaunista, ihmiset pohjimmiltaan hyviä ja maailma on avoinna sinulle. Uskalla avata silmäsi, sydämesi ja sylisi. Maailma ei ole paha, vaikka se siltä välillä uutisten perusteella vaikuttaa. Maailma on avoinna sinulle, jos sinä itse olet avoinna sille. Joten uskalla avautua, unelmoi isosti ja luota, että kaikki järjestyy.

Minun elämäni tuntuu kulkevan juuri oikeaan suuntaan, hiukan hapuillen mutta suunta on silti oikea. Haluan yhä kaiken ja uskon saavuttavani sen. Maagisesti myös läheiseni tuntuvat kulkevan omia haaveitaan kohti. He ovat yhtä hukassa kuin minäkin, mutta me menemme kiertoteiden kautta unelmiamme kohti. Se matka on vain yksinkertaisesti hauskempi.

Kosmos antoi taas niin paljon, ettei sitä pysty sanoin kuvaamaan. Kiitos. 

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Weekend middle of the forest with lovable hippies reminds you what life is all about. When you have walked whole weekend barefoot, felt inexplicable acceptance and connection with everyone, it feels weird to come back cold reality. Reality where people are wearing shoes and society's expectations are heavy. Reality where you have to fight against the norms which are in war with your inner self.

Maybe that is the reason why that song gives me goose bumps.

Life is beatiful, people good and world open to you. Dare to open your eyes, heart and arms. World isn't bad even though the news tell that sometimes. World is open to you if you are open to it. So dare to open up, dream big and trust the world. Everything will work out. 

My life seems to go just the right way. Maybe little gropingly but the direction is right. I still want everything and I believe I can get it. Magically people around me seems to walking towards their dreams. They are just as lost as me, but we are just taking detour - the funnier way - to our dreams. 

Kosmos gave so much - again. It was unspeakable. Thank you. 

Hei me mennään naimisiin!

Niin se vaan tapahtui - Hannele meni naimisiin. Vaippaikäisestä asti ollaan hengailtu yhdessä, koettu kaikki nuoruuden hulluudet yhdessä ja tuettu toisiamme sekä ylä- että alamäissä. Pitkälle ollaan tultu ja kuten Sohvi sanoi, ei olisi uskonut Hannelen olevan meistä ensimmäinen naimisissa. Niin kuitenkin tapahtui.

Ennen H-hetkeä kuitenkin fiilisteltiin, juhlittiin ja valmistauduttiin tulevaisuuteen polttareiden muodossa. Mitäpä sitä niistä kertoisi, ehkä tämä video kertoo enemmän kuin tuhat sanaa.

Kiitokset Mintulle tästä upeudesta!

Häät olivat upeat ja aivan parin näköiset. Ruoka oli hyvää, alkoholia tarpeeksi ja kaikki vaikuttivat viihtyvän. Suuremmilta draamoilta vältyttiin ja krapulan määrä seuraavana aamuna oli juuri sopiva.

Pääkaaso kuittaa ja kiittää.

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So it happened - Hannele got married. We have been hanging around since we were still in diapers, we have done all the crazy things and been there for each other in good times and in bad. We have come a long way and like Sohvi said you would never guessed Hannele to be the first married one. Somehow that just happened.

Before wedding we celebrated and got ready for the future in bachelorette party. I'm not sure what to tell you about it so check this video - maybe it tells more. Thanks to Minttu for the video!

The wedding was fabulous and it truly represented the couple. Food was good, there was enough alcohol and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. The biggest drama was one too drunk guy, hangover was bearable and otherwise everything was perfect.

Main maid of honor over and out.