Meaningless

This time I was more prepared for reverse cultural shock (or re-entry, if you prefer that term). I knew I will go through some difficult feelings and probably be depressed. I experienced it when I got back from Korea and  it was so bad. I couldn't do anything for two weeks, I didn't want to see anyone. I just wanted to lay in the bed.

This time I took different approach and decided to make most of it. I embraced the return rather than feared it. I am happy to be home, seeing all my friends and trying to get some structure in my life. I love the chaos but I learnt that having regular schedule can also be beneficial. It is good for basic work and resting, but if creativity is needed then chaos is better.

This time I am not sorry for being back. I don't feel generally bad. I don't see being abroad as only suitable choice. I like being home, but at the same time I have lost my purpose. It is the hardest, most terrible feeling I have had this whole week. I am meaningless, I am not useful to anyone anywhere and it is truly hard to deal with.

I am trying to finish my studies and working every now and then. Still I have a feeling I don't have anything to contribute here. I feel misplaced. I don't have anything to give and I am just floating around in my own bubble. I have no idea how anyone can deal with this kind of feelings. How do you find a new meaning for yourself?